I’ve tried to really start this blog multiple times. My drafts folder is full of introductory posts to really get into what this blog is about. Each time I’ve left the draft unfinished in the folder and started a new one. I could blame the procrastination on lack of time, energy, or inspiration, but none of those are really true. The real reason this blog has taken so long to get started is because I haven’t been ready to “go there” yet.
At least for now, I want this blog to be a documentation of my upcoming trip to Peru. While, on the surface, this may not seem like anything to get worked up about, I get worked up. Since before I could remember, I have wanted to travel the world and write about it. I’m pretty sure my MySpace profile said exactly that, actually. This is what I’ve always wanted to do. I’ve planned, I’ve schemed, I’ve saved, and I’ve worked to try and make this happen. The truth of the matter is, however, I was never convinced it actually would.
Having a dream is not an easy thing. Declaring one’s dream is essentially setting yourself up to fail. You have said, “I want this thing and anything less will not be enough.” And that means there’s a lot that could go wrong. So you start pretending you don’t want it that bad, and you start thinking of other options that would be okay too. If the dream happens that will be great, but if not you’ll be okay too.
The scariest part of all is achieving your goal and getting your dream. I don’t know what it is about getting what you want that is absolutely terrifying, but it is. Here I am, plane tickets in hand, and I am basically numb because the realization is too overwhelming. I’m going to get what I want and I have no idea if it will work. Don’t worry, though, I quit my job over this, and I’m getting rid of all my stuff over this and when it’s over I’m just going to try and be a writer and hope it all works out. It’s all just a little too much.
But just a little.
And then I sold my car.
And left my job.
And slowly but surely everything is falling into place and my dream is coming true and numbness is turning into excitement. Overwhelming terror is being replaced with overwhelming joy and gratitude for everyone who helped me get to this point. I’m letting myself get what I want.
So, finally, I have written this first post. I’ve announced it. I’m going to Peru next week for my first international travel adventure ever. I hope you come with me.